Something I like

Something new I have learned about myself Sweet Ones,

As I watch the cutthroat action of the Beijing Olympics whenever the U.S.A. teams scores a point or wins a race or does something equally awesome I love to jump out of my chair (actually most times i remain seated) and make a fist and pump it hard like they used to do on the Arsenio Hall show. and shout "BOO-YAH!!" and then bark or woof, again, like they used to do on the Arsenio Hall show.

OLYMPIC FEVER

Dear Biscuits,

Ok, so i dont have Olympic "Fever" but since 2000 i have really learned to enjoy the Olympics. I've never been much about sports in general, at least not traditional sports. I loved BMX and Freestyle Bike stuff on the ramps and of course I loved Skateboarding as a kid and still do. I came up during the trend of Skateboards being really fat. They have slimmed it down since the 80's to what i imagine must be the best size/weight etc. And its nice to see the legitimacy skating/bike has gotten. It was criminal to skateboard most anywhere when i was a kid. Now its cool to see things like the X Games and other big events.

I tried to skate but of course i had no skills there. This is due largely to my health situation which i was going to address earlier but decided not to cuz it would sound to "poor me" and i am trying to get alot of peeps to read this blog so unless anyone wants to know specifically i will keep it out of this. Suffice it to say i have and always had handicap level health problems so try as i did i could never do any of that stuff but i LOVE to watch it.

The Olympics became interesting to me for a few reasons. The main one was that i was in Japan during the 2000 games and i was also in Japan at the time for an extended visit with what would become my wife and her family. Though my wife spoke (Spotty) English, her family did not and my future father-in-law and I spend alot of time drinking and communicating via an electronic English to Japanese dictionary and drawing stick figure pictograms. The Olympics (in Australia i believe) proved to be a good thing we could have in common to discuss.
I know the Games can be very Political and the Propaganda factor for every country is undeniable, but i still like it. I mean hey, who saw the opening ceremony in Beijing? Even a piece of it was enough to make you speechless. But still in the back of your mind you cant help but remember all the articles you read on how China demolished blocks and blocks of housing to build that freakishly hideous "Bird's Nest" Stadium. and all the "undesirables" the State deemed unworthy to be in the area when the world's eyes began focusing on Beijing so they were spirited away to the edges of the country. And the million plus cars that were banned from the city in an effort to cut down on the smog which was so bad that athletes were wearing masks to try to keep from coughing.
Where was Al Gore and why wasnt he drawing attention to the "Carbon Footprint" the Olympics created? but i digress....

Its the idea that athletes train for four years to give a few minutes of a performance in some cases to try to be the best in the world at what they do. I like seeing the dreams come true or being crushed! I like it cuz the athletes for the most part, arent millionaires. In America at least, sports has gotten crazy... athletes have become super stars because they get publicity agents now and somehow the get paid obscene amounts of money! I guess the people are willing to buy the tickets though and support the teams and stuff. But Olympic athletes seem to be more of the everyday sort of guys and gals who train for years with no fanfare, no million dollar contracts or paydays etc. It seems more passionate to me; these kids (mostly young peeps) and their work ethics. I cant stand hearing about sports stars wanting to re-negotiate their contracts for more $$$ in the middle of the season or whole teams going on strike! So maybe i am a sucker and i have fallen for the Olympic Propaganda. Oh well, sports looks like fun and i wish i could try some of them.
Thats all for now Biscuits. Feedback to hunnskyy@yahoo.com
dont be afraid.

A Somber Moment

Dear Biscuits,

I just got home and saw on the news that Isaac Hayes has died. At 65 he apparently died Sunday but i was so sick i was in bed all day (more on that later). Learning of Hayes' death really made me sit down and think. We lost Bernie Mac on Saturday! This 2008 has seen the deaths of many of our great performers and well known people. And many of them seem to have died rather young considering today's medicines and life expectancy trends. I have decided to use this post to make a list of the many well knowns who have died in 08. . . not to be morbid but just as an homage from a regular guy who writes a silly blog that all of maybe 4or 5 people read/have read. I mourned for each of these peeps some to a higher degree than others but mourned them nonetheless and i cant help but wonder who and how many more might go before 2009 arrives. This list is not exhaustive but only the ones i remember from jotting a note about in my personal journal;
Lost to us in 2008 (to date)

Arthur C. Clark- invented the communications satellite, among other things.
Bernie Mac- Actor comedian
Bo Didley- Musical innovator to say the least.
Tim Russert- Host of Meet the Press , by all accounts one of the nicest, and fairest news personalities out there.
Tony Snow- Withe House Press Secretary/news personality
Charleton Heston- What can you say? MEga-Star, one of my favorites, Spokesman for the NRA.
Estelle Getty- A Golden Girl
Eddy Arnold- WWII Vet and Hero, singer , actor
George Carlin- Again, what can i say here? Mega comedian, philosopher, performer. I loved this guy. Didnt always agree with all his views, but he made me think.
Harvey Korman- Comedian actor
Heath Ledger- A sad loss for Hollywood; great acting career and was on the rise
Isaac Hayes- Another Musical Monster/Innovator and actor
Ivon Dixon- One of my favorite Heroes on Hogans Heroes. Played Sgt. Kinch
Jeff Healy- 1989 brought his "Angel Eyes" to the top of the charts. Singer guitar player, front man for the Jeff Healy Band. Blind since the age of 1 he began playing guitar at age 3. He was special to watch.
Roy Scheider- Probably most popular as the sheriff who tried to save everyone in the JAWS movies.
Sydney Pollack- Actor (Ghostbusters) director and Producer

Surely i have missed some but these are the ones i happened to take note of. I will get into the Health issue i alluded to earlier next time. For now just think of these folks and all the personal family and friends of your own and please Biscuits, hug your loved ones. Life is too short.

Words for fun and sniffing butt

Oh Buttermilk Babies,
I will be sharing from time to time some of me favorite words and even perhaps a name or two. Not just slang but favorites from standard written English as well as the King's English. Words have meaning. This day and age has cheapened some of the most beautiful words and phrases ever penned. I like to say certain words, to myself or out loud because they make me happy. I dislike using curse words. I will use a curse word from time to time usually in private conversation for emphasis or humor. Overall however, I think people who curse are lazy minded and intellectually a bore. At any rate, here begins a partial list of my favorite words;

Beaver, Weasel, perfunctory, Butrose-Butrose Ghali (sp?), All of the names for cornbread some of which are Johnny cake, spoon bread, corn pone, jackboot, cock-sure, fugly, chattahoochie, pot pie, Fox or Foxy, Puss-puss (my cat's nickname), Shoefly, kumquat, anus, ojibawa, Chuck Nuttycomb, otter box, sasquahanna, chick-pea, platypuss (the unofficial mascot of this blog).

Again, these are a few words on my lengthy ever growing list of words that makes me happy to say them. Ever watch America's Funniest Videos? I have learned to enjoy that show. I watch it with my Bears (Honey Bear and Boo Bear). My Bears are my Special Ones, not to be confused with my friend's insatiable Bear fetish we discussed in an earlier posting.
I love to see people falling down. Of course we all hope they aren't hurt but people losing their balance is particularly funny to me. Especially those that for example, stumble and have lost equilibrium but they cant help running in the direction they are falling to try and catch up to themselves but ultimately lose it. Rats make great pets. I had a fall like that this morning and boy did it hurt! It was a backwards fall and i landed smack on my tail bone.
Honey-Bear asked me a great question this morning. She and I were sitting on the veranda with Puss-Puss and Onyx when someone came walking by with their dog. Well onyx and the Border Collie mix greeted each other in the usual Bitch way via smelling each others' asses. So Bear Bear says, "Why do dogs smell each other's tails when they meet?" As a youngster once myself i remember asking that very question. The difference was I had the benefit of asking a wise old Sage who lived deep in the Hindu-Kush Mountain Range at the top of the World, my parents being Doctors/Missionaries to the region. Once a "Seer" or Medicine Man this man was112 years old according to the locals and he was uncharacteristically fit and his mind like a steel trap (whatever that means, if its a good thing). I remember it like yesterday though it was nigh on 30 year ago. He might be there still today for All i know. His name was Chewey Futterman. I responded to Bear with the following true story... Long long ago, before there were many homos (Sapiens that is) the dinosaurs ruled the Earth. And before they learned how to grow, cultivate, roll and smoke tobacco (which caused their eventual demise according to Al Gore) the huge dinosaurs loved to get together and play. They would have relay races, three footed races, mud wrestling, triathlons, and all manner of sporting events. But the thing these big behemoths loved the most was dancing. They loved to line dance, break dance, tango, lambada, you name it the dinosaurs loved it and got pretty good at it too.
Well, Chewey says that they would pick an area for a big Come-as-you-are dance on the night of the full moon each month. This was when dinos from all the provinces would all come together and have a huge dance competition (not unlike the movies "How She Move" and "Stomp da Yard"). The big brontosauruses and T-Rex guys would find an area and take their massive tails and swipe away the trees and brush and make a huge clearing.
One month the various rival dance crews got into such heavy action on the streets trying to outdo each other that a Championship, Winner-take- all event was planned for the next full moon. Word spread like wildfire and it soon became the only thing the Saurs could talk about. EVERY dinosaur from EVERYWHERE on earth made plans to be there. Even some homos (sapiens, that is) had caught wind of the big event and planned to watch from afar. The appointed night arrived and the Jurassic Jubilee got underway. Dinosaurs from the whole world were there. Big fat saurs, little tiny saurs, young saurs and old saurs, black saurs and white saurs alike. Pink saurs purple saurs blue red and green... stupid saurs and smarty suars dull saurs and keen... all were there. They all came into the clearing to find a place to watch. After, of course removing their tails. As the preliminary rounds began, whats that? Tails? Of course they could remove their tails. Imagine a dinosaur trying to do the moonwalk with that massive tail getting in the way. Really, its rather silly to thing any dinosaur could dance with their tails in the way. So they would all remove their tails before a dance and hang it up. Sort of like checking your coat at the door of a restaurant or something. It was quite common then. Animals don't much remove tails anymore but back then the saurs were so massive that tail removal while dancing or sporting was rather necessary.
Anyways the dance-off was in full swing when about midnight the moon was blotted out by the most menacing storm clouds anyone had seen. Then the sky seemed to tear open right down the middle and the rains came puring down in proportions never before known! Well as everyone knows if there is one thing a dinosaur does NOT like its getting wet. There wasn't a square inch of cover for miles around because the clearing was made to accommodate the event so the dinos took off like lightening into the night grabbing any tail they could reach. Well in the Malay, obviously not a single saur got his own tail. Purple saurs grabbed spotted tails... spotted saurs took T-Tex tails and so on and so on. The confusion was world-wide and because of the popular emergence of cigarette smoking the sporting events and dances became more difficult to participate in and by unfortunate happenstance the dinosaurs never again had an event on the scale of that final dance nite. Each saur spending every day since that night sniffing each others' tails and inspecting them to see if perhaps he could find his own. And of course as the millenia passed dinosaurs became other animals until eventually today we have their distant cousins, dogs and cats, who still thoroughly inspect one another's tails to see if they can find their own. Some of them have succeeded over time but still you see all too often a white dog with grey spots and a black tail or vice-versa, small dogs with big tails, big dogs with stubby tails and so on and so on.....

Of Mice and Bears

Forgive me Sweet Buttermilk Friends.... I had set on a journey which lasted much longer than i had imagined it would. Amongst other things i had to visit my best friend who now lives in the country. We have been best friends for since babyhood and we were bunk mates in Pirate College. Anyways he has had a sort of "plague-ing" or whatever you might call it. Obsession seems too week a word. Bedeviled might be appropriate. He has this inner need to see a Bear in the woods. He's not content to see one in a zoo or anything like that. He insists on seeing it in it's natural habitat. I set about to visit him in an effort to minister him back to here and now but my work was in vain.
He began going on long hikes in areas that are known Black Bear haunts. He almost uses himself as some kind of bait. After these hikes he reports back to me about them; how much bear doo-doo he saw along the trails, how fresh it was and it's consistency... it is becoming a little freakish. The other day he calls and tells me he has finally encountered a bear on a trail. He says he got pictures of it but when he sent them to me via email i saw no bear in the picture, just forest. TO be fair i am awaiting his explanation but he is out of town for a while so we are not in touch.
I know it can be hard wanting to see something so bad. I used to have a mouse. He was a three legged mouse named Jody. He was with a carnival originally as a fire eater. Billed as "Jody Abash-Bash the Flame Licking Fire Mouse" he ended up drinking himself nearly to death after years of road life. One night in drunken rage he climbed up to the top of a huge glass cage housing a Tokay Gecko and shaking his angry fist at this mean old world he cursed God for ever making him in the first place. Bottoms up from his tiny flask of Southern Comfort and he lost his balance and fell into the lizard's lair.
The reptile hissed and charged the inebriated rodent and with a snap of his jaws he tried to swallow Jody whole. Well the Gecko spat him out because the dirty drunken mouse had stopped caring for his own hygiene so long before that his dirty poopy smell along with his jagged uncared for nails choked the hungry lizard. Alas minus one leg Jody lived on for thirteen years longer as a valued friend and cheese loving companion to me. At his demise i wept bitterly before putting his remains in the blender and chopping him to tiny bits. Then after a Reading a stirring passage from the Book of Ecclesiastes (King James Version) I saluted sharply as I flushed those mousey bits down the toilet... away into that Eternal Septic System not made with human hands.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? KIDDING ME??

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? KIDDING ME??

Something I can't believe!

I CAN'T BELIEVE:
Alex Jones has a radio show.
If you never heard of Al Jones then you might be surprised when you stumble across his philosophy. I used to hear him on obscure shortwave frequencies but now he is on regular AM stations. He has a few websites which you can find if you look for them. I'll not name them because i don't want to lend and credence to his causes. I was surprised to learn his age to be only 34. His voice is extremely rough and to listen to him on the radio he sounds like an elderly man who has smoked most of his life. I have heard him many times on the radio spewing his anti-america rants like a an out of control child who doesn't want to eat his greens or go to bed at bed time. Among the many accusations he throws out are allegations that the President has gay prostitutes that come to the White House, that our Government is building concentration camps for u.s. citizens to be shipped off to in the near future, any wack conspiracy you can think of and ones you could never imagine. Plus the old standby conspiracies of the Freemasons and the Illuminati (Whoever they are) that they are gonna take over the world and kill 80% of the WORLD'S population. For what I am never sure, he is never clear on that.
He also makes little movies using various archived pieces of footage of calamities around the world which i guess is supposed to be a scare tactic. He also has gone to certain events and political meetings and tried to "cover" them as if he were a reporter and when Security tries to shoo him away he makes sure to film it and purport it to be harassment and an obstruction of his First Amendment Rights. He gets arrested or detained on purpose to beef up his conspiracy claims, in my opinion. Its all classic 60's hippie stuff repackaged for our time. I cant figure out his motives other than relevance. Like some sort of massive need to be relevant and accepted... maybe he craves noteriety.
I guess he makes some cash on movies or through supporters. It seems if he was so upset that our nation is in the toilet he would run for office and change things. I read that he did run for a local seat but that he dropped out. I guess it takes all kinds to make up the Internet but old Al crosses the line in my opinion. Sorry to get so political here, but I CANT BELIEVE this guy. What is it with guys named Al??